What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 02.07.2025 07:14
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Would you raise your children like your parents raised you?
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
'Heads of State' Review: John Cena & Idris Elba in Amazon Buddy Comedy - The Hollywood Reporter
I couldn’t, believe it.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Why are American university students fine with sharing a room?
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I have no regrets .
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Rainbow Six Siege X Review in Progress - IGN
On the 31st of Jan this month .
But it wasn’t much.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Youth overdoses from synthetic opioids are increasing. What parents should know - CNN
As i do to all so called friends.?
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Dakota Johnson Raves About Working With First Intimacy Coordinator: “It’s Not Sexy” - Deadline
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
And i lived it daily.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
But, we were locked up after school.
She loved him until the end.
Especially a lifetime of it.
When she asked me how she looked .
Im still living with it.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
What is your biggest mistake or regret?
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I don,t even have a pension.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
So, i spoilt her more .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He knew the spot.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
They are buried together, in the same grave..
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
We all went to grammer schools
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
It was going to be , some day.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Would this be the day?
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I write beautiful poetry .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
She wouldn,t have been !
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
But ive been too sick for many years..
She was in good health!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I will be 64.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
One cannot live in the past .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I waited trembling.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I said to her
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I think the readers, may guess!
What did i know ?
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
She married twice! .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I was scared of men, in general
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Put me off passion for life!!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I was 9 years of age.
I was very sick at this time too.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
My life is so biszare .
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Who then, do I blame.?
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
The only rule us 5 kids had .
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Why did i forgive my father ?
She found it foreign!.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I never cut or harmed myself..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I did it because my mum asked me too!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
This is soul school!.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Comes on , in middle age.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
My family never makes their pension either.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
All the time i was locked up.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I was seconnd youngest,
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
So whats the point in blame.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Ive learnt so much.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
We were not on the streets..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I could never make a relationship work though!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.